Me

I'm conflicted. My emotions are out of whack, I'm under attack and I have no focus. Ask me for help, give me a deadline and it's done but will I be as committed for ME? You see, I marvel in the idea of being there for others but I'd rather fend for myself when it comes to ME. She, he, whoever it may be, they can offer but it won't equate to the giving I relate to or the commitment I know that comes from ME. Respectfully, I know everyone has their reasons and to them it may trump all odds. But when the cards are dealt, I'll bet on myself because disappointment continues to win and leaves scars; on ME. The world moves on, like the chords in a song and my heart is just beating along. To what end must I have to pretend that I'm enjoying this melancholy ballad? Am I just misconstrued to the point that I'm used and my feelings are no longer valid? I give everything I've got with a side of a bit more and still its never enough. Cuff after Cuff you keep knocking me down and when I get up then I'm being too rough. You want my advice, I give it in kind and then you use it against me. I give you my last, you show me your ass and flaunt your deceit in my face. I call you out, you know what I'm about and you appeal to my giving heart. A part from any of that you hid in a disguise of grace. 

ME! I've had too much training. Too many human experiences. 

Lived through and witnessed too much trauma to be blind. I see through lenses of transparency, guaranteed to decifer your bull shit before it even leaves your lips. Relationships aren't the same because the foundation crumbles faster than a Jenga tower on its last piece. Why must you try me? Why must you lie? Where is your Broughtupsy? Morals? Manners? Pride? 

I'm thankful for what life has shown me and I'm loyal to riding the wave. But I'd rather ride on my board alone then to paddle along like a slave......