Word Vomit

When there is so much on my mind that I can't explain I tend to write. The fight between my thoughts and my fingers as I type cause an eruption on the screen and it all seems jumbled, 3 words smushed into one, then a paragraph turns into some and then I'm done. Or so I think, until I reread it and see so many questions unanswered, t's uncrossed, i's un-dotted and now my art is unfinished. Diminished to just a draft when I ended it believing it was my best work. As I inscribe this I now recall so many other facets in my life that also share the same pain as my art, Constantly controlling my heart, leading the orchestra through magnificent symphonies and heart wrenching ballads for the past 30 years. Tears have flowed into streams of disappointment and laughter has echoed like sounds waves from speaker boxes. I'm human. I feel, I see, I taste, I hear, I smell, I hurt, I love, I bleed, I breath. I know what it is to be loved and to have loved. I love hard or I don't love at all. I expect the best and let mediocre fall. You must live up to the level in which I have placed you and if you fail that was never your level to have claimed. I've aimed, and fired emotional shots to watch you dodge and you've been hit by each one, so what good are you to me? I've been shot continuously and here I stand unwounded. Yet I hold on to the shells to remind me of your capabilities which you are incapable of admitting to have. I've been misunderstood so much in my life that its become normal but my formal stance makes me strong. I would be wrong to ever plet you see my fears as all these years have passed and you haven't a clue as to what will push me over the edge which has created the wedge between us. I never need your sympathy because its simply meaningless. You can't sympathize with someone you can't relate to, you're a liar! You only want to bring out my pain so that you can refrain from enabling it, when you created it to begin with. At this point I'm spewing words all over this screen, I mean this is pure word vomit at its best.........